Church

it's Sunday again and i didn't go to church. it becomes so easy not to go when i don't go every Sunday. i started missing my old church last night...it may have been for just a little while...i'll have to see how i feel in the next day or so to see if i am still missing it. i may be missing it cause the easiest thing to do would be to go back. start attending there regularly again. easy. it would be hard the first few times....with all the "where have you beens" and stuff. but eventually it would get comfy again...easy. the hard thing to do would be to start attending this new church regularly. start going to Sunday School...hard...cause i won't know anyone. but that's where i'll meet people. start going the Wednesday night classes and worship...again...not knowing anyone. i'd like to try it i think. why am i so scared to go alone. when i moved to nashville i went alone to this huge church. maybe cause i was so on fire for God. i want that fire back. only i want it to just pop back into me...easy. but i will have to take the time and effort to get in the Word and pray more...

i think i always want the easy way...for things to be handed to me on a platter...it doesn't even have to be a silver platter...plastic is fine...a plate...anything so that i don't have to work for it. this goes for losing weight, exercising, laundry, keeping my place clean and tidy...i want the drive and motivation and determination and the get 'r dun to just pop inside of me. it would be wonderful to just wake up one day with all of this in me...part of me. no more slacking off, putting things off. I ABSOLUTELY KNOW THAT THINGS JUST DON'T WORK THAT WAY...UNLESS GOD DOES A MIRACLE AND I KNOW HE DOES DO MIRACLES. i just think in my case that would be too easy and i need to start putting effort into these things. then i think God would probably start doing some things to help me out...maybe i'd even get a miracle in another area.