New Year 2007

my drab mood has
following me into
the new year.
totally not excited
about going to
work tomorrow.
i could stay home
for another week...
but that's not going to happen...must make money...
i feel like i'm so unhappy
in all areas of my life
because of how i look...my weight...
{there i said it}
i know, i know...i'm the only
one who can make the changes...
i know i can do it...i've done it before
i was almost there...then i let it all come back
it scares me that i will not be able to "keep it off."
i haven't been able to do so before. once my goal
for getting the weight off is over...so are all
my efforts. Or my unhappiness could be
from not going to church lately. where do i go?
then i also want to hide from the world...hide from
my life...from living...because of my weight. i think i will
be so happy when i'm at my goal weight...i'll go to a new church
and make new friends...i'll go out more...i'll be more confident.
but i probably shouldn't wait to live my life until i loose all this
weight. today i had the thought that i am only taking up space....